Squirrel Sex
by Skulz
Summary: It's a really sick way of demonstrating the lives of those in the X-Files. The people at the end of the story (written in script form) are the writers. Thank you. *PLEASE REVIEW!*


X-Files: The Adventure of Starschmuck the Squirrel, AKA Dana Scully  
  
Scully thought of Mulder as she limped over to the bathroom to put on her makeup. He had such a nice... No. No, Scully. She told herself. She had a boyfriend now. She couldn't be with him. She grabbed the brown lipstick, applying it to her lips with care. She stepped back to examine herself. I look like I've been eating shit! She thought to herself and reached for the purple and smiled. Purple lipstick, Mulder would've loved it, she thought. Purple. So alien. So wild, and unscientific. This was going to be fun... Dana Scully was going to finally have some fun. Then, grabbing her navy blue jacket and key, she left the building.  
  
Climbing into her silver car, reaching for her keys, Scully heard something. A small voice. "Starbuck..." Scully turned to the back seat, she saw her father.  
  
"Daddy..." Scully mumbled and reached out towards him. Tears dripped out of her blue eyes. "Daddy!"  
  
"My little Starbuck," Mr. Scully began, "You don't have much time."  
  
"Daddy-- What do you mean?" Scully asked her father (who was supposed to be dead).  
  
"Starbuck... You cannot go to work today... Don't go," the man said. Suddenly, Scully began to frown and turned into a little a little chibi squirrel.  
  
"FUCK YOU, DADDY!" Scully cried, "AND IT'S NOT STARBUCKS, IT'S STARSCHMUCKS!" Scully yelled at her father, who then had a heart attack and vanished. Scully smiled. She was going to hell. Who was going with her? Mulder.  
  
Mulder sat at his office, watching porn on his computer. "Mmm." Mulder hummed as he sat back in his chair and licked his lips. He thought to himself: I wonder who that is. He looked a little closer... Red hair. Blue eyes... FBI badge and gun, gee it looked like it was filmed right... here.... SCULLY!! He fell off his chair, screaming and yelling "FUCK YOU!!! MOTHER BITCH FUCKER!! JESUS FUCKING ASS CLEAVAGE!!"  
  
Meanwhile, Skinner was in his office taking nude pictures of Scully (That's how they got the funding for the X-Files). Then, suddenly he noticed that hair was growing everywhere on her!!! And she began shrinking! Skinner thought: Man! If she shrank any more her titters would be microscopic. Scully smiled as her voice turned chibi and she crawled up the leg of Skinner's pants. What she was going to do next was going to cause Skinner some pain. Oh, wait! He lost that in Vietnam! So Scully just decided just to ass-fuck him, then kill his dirty little white ass.  
  
Once she was done with Mr. Skinner, she went down to the basement to possess Mulder, but he was already possessed by what he had seen on the Internet. Scully cried (in her normal voice) "Oh, my god Mulder, what did you see??"  
  
Mulder began to shrink and grow fur, "CLITORIS!" he shouted in his chibi voice... Oh, wait! He can't make his voice any higher! There are no balls to shrink! Scully smiled and began to shrink herself. Then she said to Mulder, "It's time for some steamin' hot squirrel sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Mulder took what was left of his penis and stuck it through Scully's microscopic cleavage. And they squirrel-tit-fucked each other. Sure it was vile and not right, but nevertheless, they were horny little creatures and Scully's squirrel pussy was just too tiny. They cried in their chibi voices, "YES!! HARDER!! MORE!" and they screwed until Scully's face was thoroughly covered. Then all of a sudden, the Lone Gunmen came in naked so they could jerk off to the pic's of Scully. But, while they were jerking off, they decided to turn on the radio so no one could hear them. A familiar song began to play: X-Files With Doggett and Reyes (see previous song fic). Then, everybody got up and began to dance and Doggett and Reyes began singing. The Lone Gunmen jerked off and Mulder and Scully began a worldwide orgasm.  
  
THE END. (Or is it?)  
  
Elias: nope the sequel will come! If you know what I mean?  
  
Nina: Shut up faggot  
  
Elias: Mulder is such a gay ass! (Sings to musical tune of x-files with Doggett and Reyes)  
  
Nina: I know he's your lover!  
  
Elias: Dammit! I AM NOT GAyyy....  
  
Nina: hey I found his off switch!  
  
Scully Yami: I'm still here.  
  
Nina: What??.... Fuck you, Scully! ...SCHMA! 


End file.
